Well, wanted to, I fell in love with someone else. I do agree with all of the ideas youve presented in your post. Hes loyal, caring, kind and hard working but I dont know if hes capable of loving me the way I want to be loved. Honestly, my husband is a good man. Or if I try to I quickly change subject and act all good because of his reaction. I have known that my marriage was struggling for quite some time now (at least 2 years). After 23yrs apart hes now been in touch telling how he has been looking for me all these years and why i did not tell him if the pregnancy. Hello.This article was extremely motivating, particularly because I was searching for thoughts on this topic last Wednesday. So even if you aremarried but in love with another person, its important to remember that you are the master of your own destiny. If things start to feel boring and lackluster, it becomes easy to crave outside attention. Even in a relationship with someone who does not expect monogamy, loving someone else may bring . Wishing you all the very best! When you aremarried and in love with another manor woman, the thing is, its not so much about it being someones fault.. What situation puts you most of the risk of experiencing debilitating regrets later on in your life? Im confused. 4. You are the only one who can make the right decision for yourself, but please dont hesitate to reach out if you would like some exercises in clarifying what your heart truly wants. Thanks for the post. about it, and whether you truly believe that this is the person for you. Last night, i told him i have to get off for a while with my online life since the hubby is coming home to stay for a week before he leaves again. Unfortunately, we are both married to others and many miles apart. To work with us, just click here! Now have a daughter whos just months old. And even when she was alive, she knew how much ive wanted to end my marriage because i have tried saving it not just once, but many times. We arent really taught about the fact that all relationships will encounter highs and lows, and love is not something that is magically preserved on its own. My family adores him and his family adores me. He told me how my disappearance has affected him in his life and relationships even his marriage. Ive been searching the web for months now. It is true that some people will opt to stay in a relationship in order to protect their family and the environment in which their children grow up, but it is also important to note that sometimes the tensions that build between the two spouses living under the same roof can have more of a negative effect on the children than a divorce or a separation. Incidentally, hes also married. My spouse is still abusive emotionally and mentally. We have 6 kids together and they have expressed that they want their dad as well; however, the older ones express anger about his choices even though they want him home. Be careful to never belittle the things that your partner is passionate about (even if it might sound silly to you!). Hi Sagittarius, first of all, your English is great! In order to become a good listener, you have to really care about what your partner is saying. However regardless of the situation I think the point remains, you either want your marriage to work or you dont. Hi Em, I understand that this is a tricky situation. Is it a defense mechanism as a result of something that hurt them at some point in their past? Many of us develop anxiety and lose sleep over decisions with such high stakes. I have nightmares constantly if someone taking advantage of me and Im not able to move. Because the emotions involved in the situation are so complicated, she felt completely paralyzed. I am separated from my husband but we still live under the same roof in separate parts of the house because were not in a good financial position to be approved for new rental places of our own. We were engaged 50 years ago but were very young at the time and did not marry. It seems they thought they would just do as the please and live a responsiblity free life and I would just hand the kids over for visits when he felt like. I dont talk to the guy i met online coz i dont want it to be used against me. Im just missing a connection, long talks, deep conversations, good sex, talking about problems, etc. He didnt push me or force me into anything and it felt so Surreal that I questioned everything. But fast forward to today and youve found yourself with very conflicting emotions. I have not been in love with my husband for many years but i do love him and care for him. So I learned who I am, I studied, I got a good career, Im very interested in psychology and love to talk and philosophize. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching by clicking here. He constantly makes me feel like Im not a priority. Its helpful to remember that emotions themselves and neither good nor bad. Hi Tony, thank you for sharing your story. You can get in touch with them directly by calling 1-800-799-7233, or if you are in a situation where you are unable to talk safely, you can log on to http://www.thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474. not to fall in love. Right before I left my spouse threw a huge tantrum where he was punching Walls and he jumped out the car while I was driving. You want to make sure that you can highlight the positives and make sure that you both get excited about your relationship again. But my problem is I cant let go of this guy. All that being said, I dont know what to do with the emotions that I have bottled up for 50 years and that are now alive and well along with all the what ifs. It seemed timing was always off but I always had the what if idea in the back of my head. Though weve both promised not to destroy our marriages but we simply cannot stop loving each. Honest. I want to save my marriage, my family, I want to be the man, who makes her happy and I understand, that it got so far, because I took our relationship for granted and didnt invest enough in it. I could easily have sex multiple times a day. O my luve's like a red, red rose . We never broke. I tell my wife and myself I dont still love her, but if I was honest with myself, I sometimes think I do and miss her. Wishing you all the best, Wow its the best to work out things with your husband because the most affected will be the children in case of a separation and no grantee that that new love will not fade anyway . We are constantly being exposed to the Hollywood and Disney movie culture, where it seems that everything is sunshine and rainbows for the rest of the couples life, no matter what. Its very important to ask yourself the tough questions to figure out if you WANT to make your marriage work or if you just feel obligated to do so. Reading your story made me realize men hide their feelings. I dont want to hurt my children and I dont want to hurt anyone. I love you. I just dont know what to do anymore and the other guy has disappeared. I really love her, with all my heart. When i met my husband, i cut off all contact with my Ex. He threatened suicide so that I would just give him what he wants. The complexities of love can feel very paralyzing, especially when multiple people are involved, so I understand that you feel like you dont know which direction to take. But it involves a lot of individual therapy and anti depressants. I am afraid that I am vulnerable to someone that would give me what is missing in our relationship. I have just stuck it out for the kids. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Im also very bad at explaining the problems I experience. At first I would answer with very friendly like responses,however, now we seem to have developed a physical and emotional relationship again, and my feelings have all come back. Some have chosen their lover and have been very happy. How were you feeling in your marriage before this other person came along? Hi Candice, thanks for your message! One of my most recent coaching sessions inspired me to write this article for you today. I warn against this because when you leave one person for another, you do not give yourself time to mourn and heal from the previous relationship, and it places a huge amount of pressure on your new significant other. Yet I cant divorce my husband due to social stigma and potential effect on the children for not being with their biological dad. But Im just so freaking unhappy, and I cant explain it very well to others. "Although unrequited love can feel extremely painful, it can . Team Happily Committed. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, so why is it that this guy stirs me up so much sexually. 2. The important thing to keep in mind is that if you remain in a marriage just to keep the other person happy, you are also preventing them from eventually being with someone who truly wants to be with them. Hi Holly, When our eyes connected there was a huge spark and feeling that i have never felt before. Because this is something that I come across from time to time in my one-on-one coaching sessions with the people I work with, I wanted to take the time to write an article for you on what to do when you are married, but in love with someone else! And a few months later Im having his baby. Id also like to mention that weve created tailor-made products to help yourestore the attractionin your relationship with your spouse should you choose to restore your marriage. But my roomate made me feel loved, wanted and needed in less time than the 5 years of being with my husband. And doesnt like my suggestions, it makes him feel uncomfortable. I know that this is very hard to do because you are focused on what you feel with your lover right now, and it is very powerful indeed. I both want it and dont want it. Thanks, Watching someone you love, Love somebody else. I do not want him to be in a fix because of my immaturity of realizing my feelings so late. My husband made me feel undeserved. Menu. Sorry, but I am giving up. What if you love this other person but divorcing your partner would cause too many problems? I have been married for 39 years. Still, the posts are very short for starters. John, I would like if we could talk because it sounds like I am in your wifes situation. On one hand, you have the history and the relationship that youve poured your time and energy into with your husband or wife, and on the other hand, do you have this new person making you feel alive again. In the beginning of my husband and Is relationship it was amazing. I have spent the past 18 years raising our kids, mostly alone because he has traveled for work for the past 10 years. But when life is forced to start and plans will have to be made with this girl He will see how our marriage was good. I know my husband is not ok with this because he found the text messages. She still contacts him. When someone is married but in love with another man or woman, it isn't profound to say that such a predicament can be harmful or even fatal to a marriage.Fo. That said, if you truly want this marriage to survive and you think, I am in love with you or I truly want to fall back in love with you when you look at your spouse, then I want you to know that there are plenty of things that you can do to restore the bond between you. After telling people we were separated, a dear friend admitted his feelings for me and he is amazing, I have a lot of love for him but I never had an affair. Many times, when there is a disconnect between the two people in a marriage, one of them will seek comfort and validation from another person. My husband got married for my children sake though I care for him and I dont want to hurt him because he is a good guy. I just want the guy Ive wanted since forever but I feel selfish too. if you could pick falling back in love with your spouse, would you? We are happy but I still have those feelings for the other person. The problem that we experience in our society is that we are not given a proper education about love as we are growing up. It's Hard to Love Someone Who Loves Someone Else Quotes & Sayings. Do I need a certain amount of time on my own to heal from past love, is it fair to heal and be with someone new? I left my husband shorty after and stayed with him until an apartment become available. Well about a year later I see that he was at it again and I told him I wanted a divorce and of course he begged and said he was wrong and to forgive him, that he would go to sex aholics anonymous and see a psychologist. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions that can help identify the right solution for your situation. His face lights up when he sees you. I always told myself it isnt him even though I was falling for him during my high school and college time. You're honest with them about your marital problems It's rather difficult keeping your marital problems secret since there will be times when you're going to need a fresh perspective on things. Hi Christine, thank you for sharing your story. His timing sure sucks and he did say that whatever I decide, he would be fine with. Hi there, it is always best to take some time to yourself to heal after a separation. My friend and I have known each other for 10 years, but most of that time we both thought there was too much of an age difference between us (17 years) and that we wanted different things out of a relationship. Off limits, he says, requiring me to keep strictly proffesioal level talk or it will be all over. The more you can associate your marriage with the feelings of excitement, the less attracted you will be to your childhood boyfriend. The heart is a definitely complicated thing. No intimacy, no affection and absolutely no making love for the past year and a half. Married for 12 years. While being away it was about the 7th month. I am in love with another man while married to someone else and he is also married. Looking for novel in all the wrong places? " Love " by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. If you would like help through this challenging situation, please reach out to us for coaching by clicking here. He wants to leave me for the other woman. What exactly are you receiving from this new person that you are not receiving from your husband or your wife? Ive been married for 8 years. We emailed, messaged and talked on the phone for sometime then decided to meet face to face. Wishing you the best! I am just empty and looking for love and to be loved. If you would be interested in learning more about healthy communication techniques, I encourage you to read this article " She Walks in Beauty " by George Gordon Byron. I have been sleeping with my husband for months and I just desire my ex boyfriend. So the decision will be considering for children life only and the best for them financially. Pls help me on hoe best to hanle this situation, thanks so much. I have been feeling so neglected in my marriage, and I have spoken with my husband on multiple occasions about it, where he voices to try and do better but nothing changes. He doesnt know how to support me during this time with all the complexity of an ending marriage I was already checked out of, but living together, not yet divorced etc. Thank you for your message and your interesting point! He went on military operations outside my country and unfortunately I was raped and became pregnant. You can feel paralyzed by the prospect of having to choose one person. Perhaps it is a difficult time for him right now, but dont wait too much longer to share what you have come to understand about what you need in order to allow both of you to move on and find new, more fulfilling relationships. LMFT licensed profesional. He has come home two separate times and returned within days because he misses her. How do I get through this? real relationship with two people at the same time. So when Im feeling bad I often feel alone, I cant really talk about it with him. Hi NMN, sometimes this sort of thing happens when there is a sense of monotony and predictability in a relationship, and youre craving something that feels fresh. Truth be told, when you are focused on short-term consequences, you often wind up making decisions that might not be the best for you. The sex part I tried, but it feels like I walked upon a wall and were not getting anywhere, so I stopped talking about that. To work with us, just click here.